Sunday, June 17, 2012

Kick that Butt.

Can you see that smoke oozing out of your mouth?

I can. And I can smell it too. I can even smell the inside of your mouth and can safely say it smells like a pit. Like a pit that has been used by roadside dogs that eat rotten bones because we only give fresh chapati to cows. More on that later.

I can also read the junk that has filled your mind. You’ve tried to quit, I know. You’ve promised many that you will quit. You’ve tried the patch/chewing gum/distraction therapy. But what to do, your life is so stressful that only a bud can light up your life. You’ve not tried hard enough, really, you haven’t.

Your mother/sister/wife/girl friend has been after your life since the day you took a drag the first time. You think you looked cool back then. You know how you look now? Like 10 years older than you ought to. You know how you will look in 10 years? Like a 50 year old.

Now, I’m all for older men. But not who have aged before they should have. You run 10 miles a day and that justifies your intention to kill yourself slowly. Stop kidding yourself. You know about the diseases that are waiting for you with open arms, don’t you? You know about the girl who wouldn’t bother to seal ‘it’ with a kiss because of the awfulness that fills your mouth? And don’t even get me started about the environmental damage that this puff is causing, leave alone the passive threat you are to me and my healthy cells.

I tell you today, it’s now or never. Kick that butt, will you?

Thursday, June 14, 2012

Life in the times of IPL

Come IPL and the women start howling. No matter how much we adore the Sachins and Dhonis of the world, it is impossible to tolerate 2 months of continuous cricket. The men tend to be confused as to which team they support. As a result, they watch each and every match. Even if they don't watch, they pretend to be interested! The women have to live with it. You can’t sit in a different room while the television blares out taetaetaetaetae te tain!

Anyway,to survive the trauma here is the list of things that deviated my mind when I didn’t care who went to the play-off’s (not necessarily in the order of their occurrence). Surprisingly enough, most of this 'meaningful' stuff involved women - 

-          Mamata didi dancing on the streets of Kolkota and spending a bomb on celebrations.
-          Zohal Hameed setting a wrong example(!) as a ‘Future Wife’
-          The ugly Poonam Pandey baring it all for KKR
-          Suhana Khan and friends being pulled out by over-enthusiastic daddy a.k.a. KKR owner
-          Some sexy cheer leaders (read: white mischief), some ugly costumes (read: Pune Warriors), The Ambani Glow, The Preity dimples and The Juhi grins...

      I noticed all this more than Gambhir’s cuteness, Virat’s future-captain’able decisions and well, the points table. I read about rave parties, Shahrukh’s ban from Wankhede and the betting scandals. I loathed an over-enthusiastic commentator who would jump at every ball but I loved the look on Gambhir’s face when this commentator moved his palm across his neck in one of the interviews! I noticed how every match ‘accidently’ had a thrilling finish and felt proud to guess who ‘fixed’ whom. It’s not their fault. Afterall, who will watch for two straight months if the game is not invigorating!

IPL has made cricket a fun ride and has certainly drifted it away from the Gentleman’s game status. When the men tally the scores, the women can look for glamour and gossip. And that’s why, I didn’t mind this long season of bat and ball. Sounds utterly distasteful, I know, but at least I’ve found a way to sit in the same room as the Boy when he’s glued to the television screen. You see, this is the kind of stuff that saves marriages! And you see, this is the kind of stuff that goes into "A Wife's Ultimate Guide to Survive IPL".  Needless to say, with all the tamaasha surrounding it, I can't wait for IPL Season 6. 

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

I've learnt that...

singing and dancing in the shower is the best stress buster.

random acts of kindness makes you feel like a million bucks.

uncontrollable laughter, when a hint of pee comes out, makes for a wonderful memory.

letting go isn't easy. Sometimes you just can't. Live with it, ignore it and try to move on.

blessings need to be counted. Every moment of every day you must count your blessings. That will ensure your smile never fades.

hug babies. Try to be around them. They fill your life with innocent laughter that is hard to find.

As I grow 'older' and eventually wiser, I'll keep updating the cyber world with my learnings. I'm good at this, take my word for it!! 

Sunday, June 10, 2012

Thought for the Day

If a man listens to his wife, he is Joru ka Gulam (Literally, servant of wife. Theoretically, Henpecked)
If a woman listens to her husband, she is Pativrata (Literally, virtuous wife. Theoretically, servant of husband)

The Joru ka Gulam in Him outshines the Pativrata in Me. Hence, I'm the evil one. If it was the opposite, it would have been completely normal and no one would have been termed evil. What is the story of your house, as perceived by intelligent outsiders?

Friday, June 8, 2012

I'm tipsy and I know it

What's the first thing you say when you are drunk - "I'm not drunk."

Half an hour back, I just had one Red wine, one red wine, and I'm tipsy. See, I'm different because I confess I am drunk. I came home and started reading blogs. Then I thought it's a good time to write a post.

Usually when I'm drunk I laugh a lot. A lot. If I'm out, I start dancing like a moron. My steps can give Madhuri Dixit a run for her money. Then I sing songs in the car. I also sing the tune. You know, dum dum da dum, la la la la. My 'melodious' voice makes it entertaining for the fellow passengers. Especially the Boy who has this constant grin on his face. How he loves to see me drunk!
After reaching home I walk to my bed like Johny Walker and go to sleep. I have the most amazing sleep when I get a little sloshed. It's so deep and peaceful. In my drinking career of about 4 years I've just had a hangover once. Like everyone I decided to quit. And then, like everyone I thought I hardly drink, I shouldn't quit.

I love how I'm typing with my eyes closed and a faint smile on my lips. I learned that from years of chatting over the Internet with random boys ... Oh, I miss that. Wonder what's going on in the chatting world. Do they still fall in love there? Wish to be 18 again.

Before I start blurting out more random thoughts in my tipsy mind, I should sign off. Thousand apologies for a curvy post. Hope to be concrete next time.

Going to a cards party, will I win? Song on my mind - When I walk in a spot, this is what I see.... Everyone stops and they staring at me... I'm sexy and I know it...
Ah, I'll surely win.

Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Three Zero - 30.

Don’t tell me that 30 is the new 20.

Did you worry about the lines that appeared on your skin when you were 20?

Did you think marriage, babies, property, investments, a healthy heart, were the most important things in the world when you were 20?

Did you curl up on your sofa on a Saturday night thinking the club is too loud when you were 20?

Did you feel like wearing as many skimpy clothes as you can so that you don’t look funny when the age ain’t right, when you were 20?

Did you miss melodious songs and thought the songs of ‘this generation’ suck when you were 20?

Did you drink green tea, ate almonds, drank milk at your own will when you were 20?

Did you spot a gray hair and not screamed out of disbelief when you were 20?

Stop fooling yourself. Embrace 30. As it is, you can’t do much about it. It’s just a number. Feel happy to be alive. Live in the present. Sing 18 till I die. It’s not how you look, it’s what you feel inside.
Blah Blah Blah!

As you can make out I’m going to turn 30 soon and the feeling can’t get worse. How was your experience? Warning - Please don’t repeat any lines from the last paragraph.